I love relationships...

...so much because I am forced to learn more about myself. Not the myself I've wanted to be, or the me I've thought myself to be...but the myself I know I can be, and must be in order have that "perfect girl." I think we all know who I'm talking about ( it's not the "cook, clean, silent" type).
This is a tribute to the "perfect girl":

She's the one who tells you to stop smoking (and you actually listen...sorry mom)
She's the one who wants you to know what she's thinking and anticipate the next plan of action
She's the one who tells you to call when you get home (and you actually listen...again...sorry mom)
She's the one who offers to drive to LA to see your friends band
She's the one who watches NFL playoffs and knows you like that she's watching it with you
She's the one who likes it when you bring flowers, write tributes and say "I miss you"
She's the one who will patiently deal with your stupidity
She's the one who will order you a Guinness cause she knows it's your drink of choice
She's the one who will graciously point out the flaws, we all believe as single men, are not flaws at all
She's the one who will give options, but choose when you don't really care
She's the one who will play Texas hold 'em and kind of intimidate
She's the one who will cry on your shoulder when Harold Crick accepts his fate

But most importantly...She's the one who can see through the rebellious, prideful facade put on by the man who wanders this land looking for nothing else but the warm, sleepy love of the perfect girl who should never give him a second thought...and only by chance, the stars aligned, the clouds parted and she appeared when he was ready.

So, I spent my weekend away...away from stress, away from rest, away from soberness, away from my lady, away from harsh realities...I spent my weekend away. "The Silver Lake Experience" as I like to call it, was an unexpected gift. 3am...with talk of women, wine, children and all the wonderment of life.

It is not often a man, such as myself, who spends every moment alone with thoughts of himself has a moment with thoughts not of himself. This weekend, I had a many a moment with thoughts of someone else, a someone else coughing and sickly; a someone else who should not be coughing and sickly by their lonesome. I decided to remedy that Sunday night. I cannot remember a time when I've said "hey, baby...how about we get some dinner, rent a couple romantic comedies and cuddle on the couch." yeah...romantic comedies...I was at that point. Movies of choice: Licensed to Marry and The Holiday. Whoa! Yes! Very very good...splendid I would say. It is amazing what a RC can do to settle a cough.

So now, I am back to my harsh realities. My dreams are not of bears in a mystical forest, they are of documents, reports, W2 forms, car registration, interviews, love, worry like water slipping through my fingers. I'm buying my time, and it is expensive. I have my friends, I have a someone else...I have desires, I have hope, I have ambition, I have lost a need for pride to be apparent.

I don't know why...

...but I have this strange feeling I shouldn't be writing on my blog anymore.
I don't feel as comfortable as I used to.
There are a lot of cool things happening right now...and by cool I mean...not really that cool.
I would probably say...complicated. That's what it is...complicated.
It's the usual season when everything that could go wrong does go wrong. When it rains it pours.
When it pours, the thought of even writing about the pour could make things worse.

Love IT!!

It's 1-02-2007

And not really feeling it right now.

Spent lots of time doing lots of things this Holiday season.

1) Xmas Party #1 at lady's house with mixed nuts (friends) old and new. Drank some really good holiday punch...mmmm yummy. Didn't have a cigarette.
2) Xmas Party #2 at Pasadena with old friends...again, didn't have a cigarette, and this was the look on the faces of friends when they found out I don't smoke anymore.


3) Weekend in Selma with the lady
4) Xmas Eve with the Simms...drank some good wine out of cool wine glasses, ate some ham and played some games...it was fun and relaxing.
5) Whale watching on Dec. 29th and I found out how to use another funky feature on my camera this is what happened....Oh yeah...we saw some sea loins too!
Where was I? Oh yeah...
6) Lemon Soju + Hite beer + Coors Light = Kereoke of course!! Crica Dec. 30th
It doesn't end there folks...more to come. Happy New Year

WOW, has this been a crazy month before November! So many things happening right now. I'm probably going to have to look for a place to live in the next two months, which could turn out to be a good thing. I'm turning 55 this Saturday and I'm still living life as though I were 22. If anybody is around in the LA/Long Beach area and want to celebrate, I'll probably be at Keith's place this Friday...I don't know if that's an open invite or not, but I'm sure there will be a response to all the craziness.

Choices

Can you remember the very first time you had a drag of a cigarette? Mine was at a sleep over with my little league baseball team in a lower middle class neighborhood of St. Louis Park, MN. The host was the son of a single mother who smoked Marlbro Reds and drank cheap whiskey. We were a clan of nine boys all under the age of 12 without the proper supervision. We watched Aliens and crank called the whole city while searching the liquor cabinet for some unknown drink which was not the normal 2% milk I was used to. I remember one of my teammates pucking on the hardwood floor after taking a sip of some colorless liquid from a bottle with a red label. Then came the cigarettes. It was then I had to make a choice. It was late, and I knew if I called my mom I would no longer be seen as a leader on my team, if I called my mom, I would be in trouble. So, the cigarette came my way and I inhaled with an untrained breath. I coughed and coughed till I became red in the eyes. Everyone laughed as I passed the burning tobacco to the next sucker who already knew what fate awaited him. To this day, I believe it was the most horrible experience I went through as a child. I made a choice I knew was wrong, yet even at the age of 12, I went against everything I knew was right.
I had a conversation with a friend of mine last night about the choices we make as adults. His rhetorical question was "is it that life and situations become more complicated as we get older, or do we make life complicated by our choices?" Peer pressure becomes less obvious when we age. We know the decisions we make are our decisions, we are independent, logical and experienced.
The choice I made last night to go home after having this conversation with my friend instead of spending the night on the couch, was by far the best choice I've made in the last 4 weeks. Why? Because I actually took some time this morning to figure out what the hell was wrong with my iPod...I fixed it. It works now. I wish every choice would have the same outcome.
I'm still inhaling life with an untrained breath and coughing till my eyes turn red.