Monday, May 19, 2008

Culver City Thoughts II

So, I've been awake all night. It's early, yet I cannot find sleep. I've decided I'm a vampire. I'm not a blood sucking type, I'm just the type that lives their life in the evening. I feel for those who have children and must attend to them during the humanly hours of sleep...I do not have a child, but if I had a child, I don't think I could deal with the crying and attention needed to force them into slumber, for I am one who cannot force myself to slumber. I've never had this issue. Sleep has never been a battle to fight.
There is more to this than the fact I don't have a regular schedule. I think it has to do with life decisions, conversations had or not had or conversation I cannot have. I replay, play or anticipate conversations in my head when it gets quiet at night, and that keeps me awake. I tell myself to count sheep or repeat something southing, but no go. So, I type, I type frustrated and tired, feeling there is no end to this. I've had this ailment off and on for a few months now, and I'm done with it. I thought once I moved into my new apartment, I would have some relief, I suppose there are those who feel the problems they face daily will be solved with little antidotes of sorts, perhaps a child to keep a marriage together or gum to help them stop smoking...me, the apartment and change of scenery. I had a friend the other day tell me to just take a walk, so I took the advice and walked my sisters dogs three time yesterday, yet, I still remained awake, not able to sleep. My life expectancy is depleting by the hour.
The puppies are taken care of, they're sleeping soundly, so maybe I'm doing something right, but, I need my sleep, I need rest. Is there a way to take a vacation from ones self for 5 hours that doesn't involved drugs? My mind races when night comes and is completely fine when the sun rises. Lord knows I'm in transition, but damn, it's tough to fall asleep.

3 comments:

Carleen said...

My opinion, which I realize you didn't ask for, is that you need routine...a regular schedule. I know you said it's more then that but I don't. :)

Becky said...

You have a lot going on Billy. Many things to ponder, routine will not get your mind to settle. Go to Trader Joes and get yourself some good Valerian Root Tea, with a wee bit of honey. Does the trick every time!

Unknown said...

Maybe there ar some things you don't want to put on here.