I have nothing clever to say

I haven't been writing much on this blog. It seems the constant stream of "tweets" and "status updates" have taken over, and sensory overload is almost at a peak. There is a slow, but very sobering realization regarding these social networking sites; they create an environment ripe for personal marketing and self exploitation. Sure, I love the idea that I have a place I can easily click through the photos I like, but in reality, I just want other people to look at my photos and think "wow, that's a really good shot, he should be a professional photographer" and then see there is actually a place underneath in which to comment "wow, that's a really good shot, you should be a professional photographer".
I easily fall into the lie that I need to outdo someone else's status update, I spend a good 5 minutes writing and rewriting a "clever" update worthy to be read, but then I quit, defeated that I couldn't really think of anything funny or thoughtful. This is where it gets ridiculous though, I begin to think to myself "I'm really not that clever" or "my photos aren't really that good, at least compared to this or that person".
So, I haven't written anything worth reading on this thing, because I've been spending my time roaming the sites that suck out any and all freedom to be myself, really be myself. And to be honest, that's not where I'm really able to be myself anyway, or shouldn't look to be myself; blogging isn't where I really am myself for that matter. I guess I've found myself to be most myself right here, in my room, reading. There was a time when I fooled myself into thinking I feel most myself at parties or social gatherings, but that's really not the truth either.
I'm not a very introverted individual, if you know me well, you know I don't consider leaving a party until a good handful of people are on their way out, and even then, I attempt to make the party last a bit longer. But, life around me is changing pretty quickly and I'm seeing the more I find myself alone, the more I'm discovering my desire to know myself the way God is currently preparing me to be or become.
I guess in order to really take on that type of observation, I've had to look at who God guided me to be back when I was just a kid, and how that relates to who I was yesterday and who I am today.
I question my ideas of family, my ideas of masculinity and my examples of both. Though I don't admit the influence of media has formed my opinion of what I deserve as a man, I cannot deny it has caused me to consider the very notion of "what I deserve 'as a man'".
I suppose we go on in our lives checking our "status updates" and "tweets" just to see what other people are doing, or because we want someone to care enough about us that they'll make a comment that will take 2 seconds; 2 seconds to make a comment and never have whatever we updated be brought up in person. Or we'll make suggestions other people should do, but when approached to actually come through on that idea, we make excuses. You see, I guess what I'm saying is, my cyber life is a lot easier to live. I really don't have to be working through anything, exploring my inner self to see whether or not I measure up as a man, a friend, a son; Facebook tells me whether I measure up on a day to day basis. It tells me whether I made a funny, clever, insightful comment or status update, or whether I took a good picture and made it look cool or not. I can reveal frustrations when I want attention, my exhaustion when I want sympathy, my joy when I want a pat on the back; I can make an encouraging comment or say happy birthday in a way everyone and their friends can see (with a profile picture that says, I'm the shit, you'll want to know me).
I am finding real interaction is a luxury in this world outside Facebook and Twitter, however, it is also a luxury to find old and forgotten friends and follow their lives from a distance, when otherwise would be completely unknown. But, the exploration of who I am and want to become is not a status update or tweet, it is not a new picture or comment, it is outside this computer seen by few.